Am I the only one that feels like an idiot 99.9% of the time?

As I sat up last night watching my thoughts tumble through my brain as slowly as the minutes on the clock at nearly 5:00AM I began to wonder, am I the only one?  Am I the only one so absorbed in my thoughts that I can’t put them aside for even eight hours a night? The more thoughts I considered one question kept running through my head, is it just me? So, here I am writing a blog. Something I have made fun of for years, because who really wants to read the random musings of another person? Again, in my infinite over-thinking I realized isn’t that what Facebook is? Facebook, quite the opposite, is something I enjoy, use and often defend. Therefore, out the open window with the sun coming up goes my opinion on blogs. I need a way to get these random thoughts that seem to creep up on me in the middle of the night out of my head so I can sleep. So, here it is, my blog ::still somewhat unsure of the idea:: that I am going to call “Is it just me?” And hopefully I will now not be kept up wondering how silly I sounded after each entry….

Here goes nothing… My first topic… Am I the only one that feels like an idiot 99.9% of the time?

Don’t get me wrong I am smart. I was taking college courses in high school, I scored nearly a 1300 on my SAT’s, I hold a business degree from a University System of Maryland school where I graduated with a 3.8 GPA, I am good at my job, I learn fast, I have a good sense of direction, I have common sense and use it, I understand proper grammar, punctuation and spelling and, when I want to, use it. However, most of the time, I walk around feeling like the kid in school that tries really hard and just never gets it.

I have this problem that I lovingly refer to as verbal diarrhea. My mouth opens and whatever words are closest to it just seem to fall out. I’ve tried keeping my mouth closed but then the words get all backed up in there and it shoots out more like verbal throw-up. My friends and family recognize this and love and accept me for it, with minor warnings and occasional disgruntled looks. The general public, however, has no clue I have been diagnosed with such a condition and yet they are still subject to the wrath of my mouth. Yes, sometimes what comes out is ridiculously funny, but sometimes what comes out is plain stupid and un-thoughtful. When the later happens I am left standing there like a kid who just got stood up at prom holding a corsage wondering where I went wrong. I promised myself last year that I would never change myself again for another person, but I find myself wondering is it necessary to change for the common good of other peoples feelings? Or should my smart-mouth hijinks be acceptable simply because it is who I am?

I have never, even for a second, thought that I was perfect; but I feel like I make way more mistakes than right moves. Maybe it goes back to the verbal diarrhea and I should also be diagnosed with impulsive action disease. I generally act before I think and then have to deal with the fall out. Again, I feel like I try to make smart, informed decisions, but where is the line of acceptability? What is the difference between me being confident and willing to take risk or being foolish and not thinking about how my actions affect other people?

Basically the more I act and feel like myself the more I feel like an idiot, is it just me?