Am I the only girl in the world that has finally rid myself of the “Cinderella Complex?”

Wow, look at me, this is only my third attempt at this blogging thing and I am already writing a “follow-up.” Maybe we will just call it a “P.S.” instead.

Am I the only girl in the world that has finally rid myself of the “Cinderella Complex?”

In my last post I talked about selfishness. After reading it my boyfriend, who plays dumb really well but is actually very smart (YES, I admitted it), gave me some food for thought. This country boy and I share some very similar experiences in our battlefield of past relationships, including very painful and tough divorces. That, mixed with his recently offering a friend some advice while he was going through an emotional break-up, prompted this appetizer for me to chew on: sometimes its ok to be selfish.

Now ladies, before you get all crazy talking about how un-thoughtful and self-indulgent men are, hear me out. Even though he can be quite crusty sometimes this old man of mine is one of the most thoughtful, caring and selfless men I have ever met. What he was saying was that sometimes, for instance after a painful divorce, you should be allowed to say “I” as many times as you want in a day without counting. Taking time for you, doing what you want and not caring what anyone thinks is ok. I will say that after nearly 8 years with my ex-husband I went a little crazy. I did what I wanted. I partied, I shopped, I cried, I laughed, sang and danced as much as I pleased and when I pleased no matter what anyone thought because I deserved it. After being miserable for nearly three years I was going to worry about “I” and everyone else be damned.

That doesn’t mean that you can live this way forever. Remember, it’s all about balance (I’m a Libra, I just can’t help but love those stupid scales). What generally happens is that people tend to over-indulge and need to self-discover a bit to bring themselves back to reality. I remember a day when I just stopped and said to myself, I’m me again. I can count on my right hand the amount of times I have felt that overwhelmed with joy and relief.

Naturally, when it was a relationship that allowed your selfishness your self-discovery turns to that topic. Again, my Texas truck-driving guy made a great point. Sometimes it takes that pain, the selfishness and self-discovery to help you realize what it is you truly want in a relationship and a partner. Man, I guess wisdom really does come with age.

I used to have the “Cinderella Complex.” I used to believe that I wanted a Prince Charming on a white horse that brought me flowers, bought me things, took care of me and was everything I ever saw in Disney movies (I’m an 80’s baby, and yes I collect Disney movies!). How I ever thought my ex fit into that description is still beyond me. He was more like a cross between Goofy, Dopey (Ha! Isn’t that a double-entendre) and Pinocchio, nowhere near Prince Charming. After some misery, self-loathing, stupid decisions and fun-times too I now know for certain what I am looking for in a partner. I want a best friend that is also my lover. I want someone that accepts me fully for who I am, smart-mouth and all, but will not put up with crap when my mind goes crazy. I want to be able to dance, laugh, smile, cry, yell, be crazy and lazy with no thoughts of stuff, labels and culture imposed perceptions.

This brings me back to my original question and my true reason for wanting to write this postscript. While I was down the ocean (I’m from Baltimore, ok? I can’t help it! At least I didn’t say hon!) this weekend with three of the best friends a loudmouth girl could ask for we started talking about relationships. I know, shocker. As my intelligent, funny, beautiful friends were talking all I could hear was nonsense about flowers and everything a guy “should do” if they want to be with a girl. What was I hearing? Remember that ex-husband of mine? Well, he bought me flowers at least twice a month, bought me jewelry, would wash my truck for me and would even buy my favorite foods and cook trying to be sweet, and he was a grade A, first class, lying, drug-addicted, selfish, mean piece of doggy doo that came with perceptions of what a wife “should be.” Knowing myself, I walked away from the conversation. I didn’t want to say something to upset my girls.

I want more than anything in life for my best friends to be happy. I don’t want them simply to be married, have kids and be with a guy because he remembered to buy her favorite color of Gerber daisies. I want them to find the person that accepts them with their kids, crazy parents, weird food aversions, diet coke addictions, jaw popping and all. I want them to be able to see through the haze of perceptions and imposed “relationship rules” and see what they truly deserve without having to go through what I did. However, in the job I am in I know all to well that you can’t simply “tell” someone something. They have to learn, experience, accept and understand things on their own terms. I just hope that this sarcastic narrative is enough to plant the seed so that my girls can figure it out on their own.

Ladies, is it really just me?

P.S. Girls, I love you. I probably would not be here today without the love, support and acceptance that you have shown me over the past few years. All I want is to see you happy. 

Am I the only one that says "I" way too much?

Let's see if I have more than one of these in me. I'll admit, it helps...

Am I the only one that says “I” way too much?

I have never considered myself a selfish person. I feel like I am there for my friends when they need me. I feel like I am willing to go the extra mile simply for the sake of doing a good job at work. I think back to all the times I have helped people financially, back when I could, whether in good judgment or not and I feel like I have done good deeds. I would like to believe that in any given situation I would be willing to put myself aside and help someone in need, friend or foe.

And then just like the time Nick Koscielniak threw a Frisbee at my head in gym class freshman year I felt like it hit me in face, how many times did I just say “I” in that last paragraph?

Twelve, just in case you were counting, and no that doesn’t include my title. And no I didn’t count the “me’s” either you stickler; I have to keep in line with my catchy title.

Huh, I remember telling my 9^th grade geometry teacher I would never have a real world application for logic statements, but by process of elimination if I don’t think that I am selfish, but all I talk about is “I” then what is left?

Merriam-Webster defines the word selfless as “having no concern for self.” Not being there for others, doing for others or a willingness to help, but “having no concern for self.”

Oppositely they define the word selfish as being “concerned excessively with oneself.” Not doing for yourself, taking time for yourself or even doing the right things for yourself but being “concerned excessively with oneself.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a woman (and a realist – I know a contradiction in and of itself) and I am going to worry about me. Seriously, it is engrained in us from birth. But, am I concerned excessively with myself? 

Obviously the goal is to be somewhere in the middle. Honestly, no one can live on Mother Teresa’s level; and no one wants to be Lindsay Lohan. I’m sorry if you do. Wait, no I’m not and as a matter of fact if you want to be her I’m sure there is a better blog for you to be reading just a click to your right or left.

The question then becomes (yes Mrs. Gaither all those logic problems paid off) how do I go from “I” to “we”? Or rather to truly be “somewhere in the middle” do I need to create a new word?

Weyouius? Yes, that works. Sounds way better than Youweusi.

I suppose I just need to consider other people and how my verbal diarrhea and impulsive action disease affect them at least as much as I consider my own feelings. And I need to accept the fact that “doing” for others doesn’t necessarily make me un-selfish just as I used to tell my ex that buying me something didn’t make up for selfish actions on his part. Wow, that one hurt to write.

Weyouius, is it just me?

Am I the only one that feels like an idiot 99.9% of the time?

As I sat up last night watching my thoughts tumble through my brain as slowly as the minutes on the clock at nearly 5:00AM I began to wonder, am I the only one?  Am I the only one so absorbed in my thoughts that I can’t put them aside for even eight hours a night? The more thoughts I considered one question kept running through my head, is it just me? So, here I am writing a blog. Something I have made fun of for years, because who really wants to read the random musings of another person? Again, in my infinite over-thinking I realized isn’t that what Facebook is? Facebook, quite the opposite, is something I enjoy, use and often defend. Therefore, out the open window with the sun coming up goes my opinion on blogs. I need a way to get these random thoughts that seem to creep up on me in the middle of the night out of my head so I can sleep. So, here it is, my blog ::still somewhat unsure of the idea:: that I am going to call “Is it just me?” And hopefully I will now not be kept up wondering how silly I sounded after each entry….

Here goes nothing… My first topic… Am I the only one that feels like an idiot 99.9% of the time?

Don’t get me wrong I am smart. I was taking college courses in high school, I scored nearly a 1300 on my SAT’s, I hold a business degree from a University System of Maryland school where I graduated with a 3.8 GPA, I am good at my job, I learn fast, I have a good sense of direction, I have common sense and use it, I understand proper grammar, punctuation and spelling and, when I want to, use it. However, most of the time, I walk around feeling like the kid in school that tries really hard and just never gets it.

I have this problem that I lovingly refer to as verbal diarrhea. My mouth opens and whatever words are closest to it just seem to fall out. I’ve tried keeping my mouth closed but then the words get all backed up in there and it shoots out more like verbal throw-up. My friends and family recognize this and love and accept me for it, with minor warnings and occasional disgruntled looks. The general public, however, has no clue I have been diagnosed with such a condition and yet they are still subject to the wrath of my mouth. Yes, sometimes what comes out is ridiculously funny, but sometimes what comes out is plain stupid and un-thoughtful. When the later happens I am left standing there like a kid who just got stood up at prom holding a corsage wondering where I went wrong. I promised myself last year that I would never change myself again for another person, but I find myself wondering is it necessary to change for the common good of other peoples feelings? Or should my smart-mouth hijinks be acceptable simply because it is who I am?

I have never, even for a second, thought that I was perfect; but I feel like I make way more mistakes than right moves. Maybe it goes back to the verbal diarrhea and I should also be diagnosed with impulsive action disease. I generally act before I think and then have to deal with the fall out. Again, I feel like I try to make smart, informed decisions, but where is the line of acceptability? What is the difference between me being confident and willing to take risk or being foolish and not thinking about how my actions affect other people?

Basically the more I act and feel like myself the more I feel like an idiot, is it just me?